The question I want you to ask yourself is “Am I responsible for my stuttering?”
We all understand that it came from somewhere, there are some causes of stuttering that are outside our control.
But is there anything I can do to make it my zone of influence?
I’m a big believer that our habits and mindset affect our health greatly. So if you keep up with healthy habits, you stay healthy.
However, I love conventional medicine at times.
They saved my life when I fell off a tree and hit my head badly. They put together my broken legs when I was knocked down by a car. And one day after a cold and bad flu (while I kept going to work all the time) I found myself coughing for several weeks in a row, and finally, I began to cough with blood. My wife was terrified and yelled at me to go to see the doctor. They prescribed me some medicine, got me through some medical procedures with some magical devices.
And my cough was gone!
But it doesn’t work this way with stuttering. No pill, no medicine, no cure.
When I came to the speech therapy, they gave me the technique that I had to apply. They showed me people who stopped stuttering using that method. They showed me people who were getting free from stuttering, and it was unfolding just in front of my eyes. And then they told me "Now when you have it all, it's up to you, dude."
They made me responsible for my stuttering.
Steven Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” tells a great story about a guy who had an arrogant and bossy boss.
It’s a story about how we always can find ways to increase our circle of influence.
Everyone knew that the boss was quite imperfect and what could they do? There’s no way to change the boss right?
I love this piece, and you can read it here below.
I worked with one organization for several years that was headed by a very dynamic person. He could read trends. He was creative, talented, capable, and brilliant - and everyone knew it. But he had a very dictatorial style of management. He tended to treat people like "gofers," as if they didn't have any judgment. His manner of speaking to those who worked in the organization was, "Go for this... go for that... now do this... now do that - I'll make the decisions."
The net effect was that he alienated almost the entire executive team surrounding him. They would gather in the corridors and complain to each other about him. Their discussion was all very sophisticated, very articulate, as if they were trying to help the situation. But they did it endlessly, absolving themselves of responsibility in the name of the president's weaknesses.
"You can't imagine what's happened this time," someone would say. "The other day he went into my department. I had everything all laid out. But he came in and gave totally different signals. Everything I'd done for months was shot, just like that. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep working for him. How long will it be until he retires?"
"He's only fifty-nine," someone else would respond. "Do you think you can survive for six more years?"
"I don't know. He's the kind of person they probably won't retire anyway."
But one of the executives was proactive. He was driven by values, not feelings. He took the initiative - he anticipated, he empathized, he read the situation. He was not blind to the president's weaknesses; but instead of criticizing them, he would compensate for them. Where the president was weak in his style, he'd try to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant. And he'd work with the president's strengths - his vision, talent, creativity.
This man focused on his Circle of Influence. He was treated like a gofer, also. But he would do more than what was expected. He anticipated the president's need. He read with empathy the president's underlying concern, so when he presented information, he also gave his analysis and his recommendations based on that analysis.
As I sat one day with the president in an advisory capacity, he said, "Stephen, I just can't believe what this man has done. He's not only given me the information I requested, but he's provided additional information that's exactly what we needed. He even gave me his analysis of it in terms of my deepest concerns, and a list of his recommendations.
"The recommendations are consistent with the analysis, and the analysis is consistent with the data. He's remarkable! What a relief not to have to worry about this part of the business."
At the next meeting, it was "go for this" and "go for that" to all the executives but one. To this man, it was "What's your opinion?" His Circle of Influence had grown.
So the guy took a proactive approach and concentrated on what he could do about it.
We can’t change the boss, but we can take responsibility for our joint efforts.
We can’t delete our stuttering roots and causes. But we can concentrate on what we can do, increase our circle of influence to the extent of obtaining a new speaking pattern.
Again, I accept different views; I feel deep respect towards people who choose freedom to stutter and are open about that.
But if you like the idea of freedom from stuttering, want to be proactive on this path and take a burden of responsibility for your speech, go inside my Improve Program where I show exactly how you can remove your speech impediments.
See you there!